Genesis 7

¹ Then God said to Noah, “Take your whole family and go into the giant box, because it’s obvious you’re the only people alive right now who don’t suck royally.

² Take seven pairs (male and female) of each animal I’ve said is okay for eating and sacrifice, and one pair of all the other unclean ones (male and female),

³ and also seven pairs of every kind of bird (male and female), to make sure none of them go extinct.

⁴ A week from now I’m gonna literally make it rain for forty days and forty nights, and I’ll make sure every living thing I made on earth dies.”

⁵ And Noah did everything God told him to.
⁶ Noah was six hundred years old when it started raining.
⁷ And Noah and his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives went into the giant box to escape the flood.
⁸ Pairs of animals (clean and unclean), of birds and of all sorts of creepy crawly things,
⁹ male and female, came to Noah and went into the giant box, just like God said.
¹⁰ And after a week it started raining like a bitch and didn’t stop.
¹¹ When Noah was six hundred, on February 17, all the water underground shot up out of the earth, and all the water in the sky spilled down.
¹² It rained for forty days and nights.
¹³ On that day, Noah and his sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth, with their wives, got into the giant box.
¹⁴ They had with them every type of animal – wild, domestic, flying, crawling, you name it.
¹⁵ Every living thing that breathed came to Noah and climbed into the giant box.
¹⁶ The animals going in were male and female of every living thing, just like God said. Then God closed the big door on the giant box.
¹⁷ For forty days water kept coming and as it did, the giant box floated on it high above the earth’s surface.
¹⁸ The water level rose a metric shit ton, and the giant box floated on the surface of the water.
¹⁹ They got really really high, and all the high mountains in the world were underwater.
²⁰ The peak of the highest mountain in the world was 23 feet underwater.
²¹ Every living thing on land died—birds, livestock, wild animals, creepy crawlies, and every single person.
²² Everything on dry land that breathed air died.
²³ Every living thing on the face of the earth was killed; people and animals bugs and birds – they all drowned. Only Noah was left, and those with him in the giant box.
²⁴ The earth stayed flooded for a hundred and fifty days.