1 God
kept his word to Sarah and did what he said he was gonna do.
2 Sarah
got knocked up gave Abraham a son in his old age, just like God had promised
him.
3 Abraham
named the kid Isaac (“he laughs”).
4 When
Isaac was eight days old, Abraham cut his foreskin off like God told him to.
5 Abraham
was a hundred years old Isaac was born.
6 Sarah
was all, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will
laugh with me.”
7 Then
she said, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet here
we are all old and I’ve given him a son.”
8 Isaac
grew and was weaned, and on that day Abraham threw a big feast.
9 But
Sarah saw Hagar’s son (remember, the Egyptian?) laughing and making fun of
Isaac,
10 so
she said to Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son; that woman’s son
will never get to share Isaac’s inheritance.”
11 Abraham
was pretty upset about this because Ishmael was his son too.
12 But
God told him, “Don’t get all worked up over the boy and your slave woman.
Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because your family line will be traced
through Isaac.
13 I’ll
make the slave’s kid’s family into a nation too, because he’s also yours.”
14 Early
the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to
Hagar. He put them on her shoulders and then sent her and Ishmael away. She left
and wandered in the Desert of Beersheba.
15 When
the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under a bush.
16 Then
she went off and sat down about a hundred yards or so away. She was thinking, “I
can’t watch my son die.” And she sat there, bawling her eyes out. He cried,
too.
17 God
heard the boy crying, an angel called to Hagar from heaven and said, “What is
the matter, Hagar? Don’t worry; God heard the boy crying under that bush.
18 Lift
him up and take him by the hand; I’ll make a great nation out of him.”
19 Then
God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the
skin with water and gave Ishmael a drink.
20 God
stuck with the kid as he grew up. He lived in the desert and became an archer.
21 While
he was living in the Desert of Paran, his mother got him a wife from Egypt.
22 Around
that time Abimelek and his commander, Phicol, said to Abraham, “God clearly has
your back in everything you do.
23 Swear
to me here before God that you won’t try to cheat me or my children and
grandchildren. Show to me and this country - where you now reside as a foreigner,
by the way - the same kindness I have shown to you.”
24 Abraham
said, “I swear it.”
25 Then
Abraham complained to Abimelek about a well that Abimelek’s servants had
seized.
26 But
Abimelek was like, “I don’t know who did it. You didn’t say anything to me; this
is the first I’m hearing about it.”
27 So
Abraham brought sheep and cattle and gave them to Abimelek, and they made a
treaty.
28 Abraham
took out seven female lambs from the flock,
29 and
Abimelek was like, “What’s with the ewe lambs?”
30 Abraham
replied, “Take these seven lambs as proof that I dug this well.”
31 So
that place was called Beersheba (a pun, meaning either “well of the seven” or “well
of the oath”) because two men swore an oath on seven lambs there.
32 After
the treaty of Beersheba was finished, Abimelek and Phicol went to the land of
the Philistines.
33 Abraham
planted a tamarisk tree in Beersheba, and from there he called out to God.
34 And
Abraham stayed in the land of the Philistines for a long time.
