Genesis 12

¹ God said to Abram, “Leave your home, your family and your father’s lands, and go to some place I’m going to show you.

² “I’ll make your descendants into a great nation, and I’ll bless you; I’ll make you super famous, and everyone will think you’re awesomely #blessed.

³ If people bless you, I’ll bless them, and if they curse you I’ll curse them; and other people will bless each other using your name.”

⁴ So Abram went, just like God told him to, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he left Harran.

⁵ He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, and everything they owned, and they went to Canaan.

⁶ Abram went as far as the great tree of Moreh at Shechem. Canaanites were living around there at the time.

⁷ God showed up and was like, “See all this land? I’mma give it to your descendants.” So Abram built an altar to God right there.

⁸ After that, Abram went south into the hill country, and set up camp in a spot between Bethel in the west and Ai in the east. He built another altar there for God, and worshipped God at it.

⁹ Then Abram started moving south again toward the Negev.

¹⁰ Around this time there was a famine in that area, so Abram went down to live in Egypt for a while because the famine was so bad.

¹¹ Just before they got to Egypt, Abram said to his wife Sarai, “Listen, you’re really hot.

¹² When the Egyptians see you, they’ll be all like, ‘That babe must be his wife.’ Then they’ll kill me but will let you live so they can have you for themselves.

¹³ Tell them you’re my sister, so they’ll treat me well in order to impress you and I won’t die.”

¹⁴ When Abram got to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that Sarai was super hot.

¹⁵ And when the Pharaoh’s officials saw her, they told him how insanely hot she was, and brought her to his palace.

¹⁶ He gave Abram lots of stuff in order to impress Sarai, and Abram got a bunch of sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants, and some camels.

¹⁷ But God sent a plague to the Pharaoh’s household because Sarai was actually Abram’s wife.

¹⁸ The Pharaoh called for Abram and was all like, “What the hell did you do to me? Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife?

¹⁹ Why did you say, ‘She’s my sister,’ so that I’d marry her myself? Seriously, take your wife and GTFO!”

²⁰ Then the Pharaoh told his men to let Abram go, but to make sure he left. He and Sarai took off with all the stuff he’d gotten.